


Get Stoned

by GordandV



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bad Ways to FIght Nerves, Crack Treated Seriously, Drug Use, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8917585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GordandV/pseuds/GordandV
Summary: Leo had no idea that when his friend promised to bring in a pre-competition snack that would render even the most nervous skater relaxed and carefree it meant drugs would be involved; Leo had just assumed his friend could cook really well. 
Leo is lucky that Yuuri is the only competitor to find the brownies.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warnings: this is crack. It is not meant to be taken seriously, and was strictly written for the sole purposes of laughter and eye-rolling (before this Wednesday comes). There are drugs, which are unknowingly consumed, which forms the base of this plotline . In short, someone kindly shoot me for this crack fic from hell.

To be fair, when all is said and done, it could have been worse. While Leo has to blacklist his now ex-friend and make sure everyone he knows gives that person the cold shoulder and evil look if they ever cross paths, Leo does not feel bad in the slightest. He burns that bridge with a vengeance because he does _not_ want to be remembered as the skater whose friend brought in pot brownies to fight pre-competition nerves. Of course, Leo had no idea that when his friend promised to bring in a snack for all the competitors that would guarantee even the most nervous skater would be nothing but relaxed and calm that it meant drugs: Leo had just assumed his friend could cook really well. He is however lucky that Yuuri Katsuki is the only one to be affected by the laced brownies, and in the grand scheme of life, Yuuri will look back on that day as an unintended learning experience with a little laugh and smile.

In the moment, though, it is horrifying and confusing, mostly because no one initially knows what is wrong.

Leo is somewhat used to his fellow competitor’s pre-competition habits, although Yuuri as of late has been a bit of a wild card. As Leo alternates between stretching, wandering around, and checking his phone, he keeps an eye on everyone else. It’s been a little over an hour since his friend dropped off a plate of brownies, or so his friend’s text reads, though Leo has no idea where they’ve ended up in the backrooms and hallways outside of the rink and stadium. He’s only a little disappointed that the brownies will likely be gone by the time he finds them, but it’s probably better he sticks to water and simpler foods, not that he thinks he could stomach much as he checks the time. There’s still about another hour before they will allowed out into the main stadium and onto the ice. 

Leo sighs and pulls out his phone to see if anyone he follows from the many social media platforms he’s on has updated anything, looking up at a small cry. Leo frowns as he spies Phichit Chulanont, the devil-in-disguise Thai skater, nearly fall over as Yuuri Katsuki appears to tackle him. Or maybe it’s not a tackle, as Leo squints, more like a really aggressive hug. Phichit looks elated at the contact, and also a little taken back as Yuuri squeezes him tighter. Leo watches, amused, as Phichit has to take half a step back to apparently brace himself and to keep from being bowled over by Yuuri. Leo can’t make out what Phichit says which apparently is enough to get Yuuri to stop as Phichit reaches up and hugs Yuuri back.

It’s a very touching scene, and Leo ensures that it doesn’t stay in just their memories as he hastily takes a quick picture. He knows the two were roommates back in Detriot, and while they don’t live together anymore, he’s sure they’d love the picture since they don’t see each other nearly as often considering they live in separate countries.

He’s in the middle of sending the picture to them both, privately, when Phichit gives another cry, though this time a rather alarmed “ _Yuuri_ ”. Leo looks up from his phone, Phichit reminding him of the Titanic as the Thai skater slowly sinks as his knees bend, arms still around Yuuri. It’s hard to tell if Yuuri is pulling them down or is making Phichit hold his weight, but either way, the two are soon sitting on the floor, although it doesn’t look very comfortable from where Leo is. He frowns as Phichit lets go of Yuuri and grabs the other’s face, mouth moving. Leo still can’t tell what is said, but Phichit’s expression of horror is enough to make him think something is maybe not right as Phichit leaps up and hauls Yuuri to his feet by his hands, never letting go as he rushes them out of the room.

“What’s gotten into them?”

Leo turns and finds Guang Hong just behind him, some type of juice-box in hand, looking puzzled.

“I don’t know, I couldn’t tell what was going on,” Leo says, though no one else in the rooms seems to have noticed their absence. Coaches and competitors are mingling, along with a few reporters.

“Yuuri was acting a little weird,” says Guang Hong slowly, brows arching together and staring at where the two disappeared to.

“Oh?”

“I saw him walking around before and he looked…off.”

Leo doesn’t know what to make of this statement as Guang Hong continues. “He didn’t seem nervous though, but he just wasn’t himself. He actually looked very happy.”

“Maybe he’s trying something new?” replies Leo unsurely. “Psyche himself up with a lot of positivity?”

“Maybe,” mutters Guang Hong, sipping from his straw. They stand together in silence for a few more seconds before Leo tilts his phone.

“I got a really cute picture of them, don’t you think?” he asks, watching as Guang Hong’s expression lights up. He doesn’t reply, but the way his eyes sparkle is enough for Leo who goes to his camera. He moves so he’s beside the shorter skater, holding his phone out at arm’s length.

“We can be cuter though.” He puts his arm around Guang Hong, only a little guilty of using the Chinese boy as a pawn in his new, unofficial war against Phichit to get back at him for posting the hot-pot picture of Viktor and Yuuri, although pawn is perhaps too strong a word.  Leo very much likes Guang Hong and will take any chance he can to be with him, especially for adorable photos. Guang Hong in turn blushes and leans into Leo, lifting the juice-box up so it’s in frame, lips still curled around the straw. Leo snaps a picture, deems it perfect as is, but begins to sort through filters just in case. Guang Hong watches and offers a few comments, but they are interrupted by Phichit who returns to the room looking wide-eyed and terrified. He looks around the room before he spies Leo and makes a beeline for the American.

“Leo, I need your help, come with me,” Phichit orders, and before Leo can even ask so much as “ _what,_ ” Phichit grab’s his sleeve and begins to tow him back the way he came. Leo tucks his phone into his pocket and follows, Guang Hong hesitating a moment before trailing after the two.

Phichit leads Leo into the men’s bathroom and nearly shuts the door on Guang Hong, blinking in surprise. He looks conflicted for a moment before shaking his head and ushers them inside. The two frown but obey before Phichit locks the door to the bathroom. The click is ominous in the otherwise silent area.

“Phichit?” ventures Leo unsurely as Guang Hong cowers behind him as Phichit goes over to the sink where Yuuri is sitting on the counter, back to the mirror and legs swinging merrily. One arm is around his stomach while he has a hand in the sink and under a stream of water. Yuuri’s giggling quietly, eyes shut. Phichit shuts the sink off and removes Yuuri’s hand from it, settling it over the other hand. Yuuri blinks and stops laughing, then grins at Phichit.

“Phichit!” He leans forward, but his movements are slow and a little uncoordinated. Phichit hastily moves forward until he’s standing between Yuuri’s legs.

“Leo, help me,” begs Phichit. “I don’t want him falling over.”

Leo hastily goes over to the baffling scene and both he and Phichit are able to get Yuuri sitting upright again. Yuuri weaves a bit where he sits and begins to pat his own knees while he hums loudly, eyes shut once again.

“What’s wrong with him?” Leo asks as Phichit turns his head.

“I…I think he’s high.”

Leo’s snorting before he can help himself, and even Guang Hong offers a little giggle at the notion. “Funny, Phichit, very funny.”

Phichit shakes his head, looking desperate. He begins slow, but his anxiety has him speaking at break-neck speed not after he starts. “No, really. I think he had some of your friend’s brownies, Leo, but I think they were pot brownies. I brought him in the bathroom because I thought he was sick or something when he kept hugging me and laughing and his eyes looked sort of cloudy, but he said he felt great. Things got weirder, and I asked him if he had done anything strange and the only thing he said was that the brownie he had before tasted a little funny but it might have been the guilt. I found them, and there was definitely something in them, and I don’t know about anything other than weed in brownies, so I think Yuuri’s high.”

Leo waits for the punchline, or maybe for someone to jump out and yell “ _surprise_ ” but there is nothing as Phichit grabs his own head with a little whimper. “I don’t know what to do! Yuuri’s going to get worse and I thought maybe you would know what to do since it was your friend who brought in the brownies. I swear I won’t tell anyone or get you in trouble, I just want Yuuri to be okay.”

“I am more than okay,” announces Yuuri, hands stilling on his knees as he begins to swing his feet again, snickering when he’s able to tap both Leo and Phichit on the sides of their thighs. He continues to gently kick them, and the longer Phichit stares at Leo the more obvious it becomes this is not a joke.

“I didn’t know,” Leo eventually croaks, looking at Yuuri as his own pulse begins to pick up in panic. He gets his phone out and dials his friend, putting the call on speaker. Guang Hong edges closer. It’s a quick conversation with Leo’s friend, one that confirms that Yuuri Katsuki, so called reborn Japanese skating star, student to the famed Viktor Nikiforov, is in fact high as a kite, and will likely be so for the rest of the day. Phichit confirms that he read the same thing, that apparently eating pot takes more time for it to take effect but lasts much longer than if smoked.

Leo begins to shout at his friend, at the stupidity, the audacity, amongst other choice words of the situation that could have so easily been avoided. Guang Hong hides by Phichit as Leo rounds away from them, but both are startled as Yuuri begins to shout too. Phichit slaps a hand over Yuuri’s mouth as Leo jumps around in fear before hanging up. Phichit stares at Yuuri for a few seconds.

“Yuuri, no more yelling,” he says quietly, and Yuuri merely nods as Phichit removes his hand slowly, prepared to put it right back just in case.

“I thought we were all yelling,” whispers Yuuri, albeit it’s more a stage-whisper. “We’re not yelling anymore?”

“I’m so sorry,” cries Leo, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know! I had no idea!”

The next few minutes consist of Leo apologizing profusely, Phichit and Guang Hong trying to calm him down, while also simultaneously keeping Yuuri from doing something that would hurt himself, namely falling off the sink. Leo works himself up which only makes Phichit more nervous and anxious. It comes to a head when all four of them are in a big hug on the floor with Leo crying that he’s ruined Yuuri’s career while Phichit weeps over the possibility that somehow all of them are going to end up in American prison. Guang Hong and Yuuri remain dry-faced, although Guang Hong feels as though he’s going to vomit from a mix of emotions. Yuuri only wants to hug everyone.

“So what do we do?” whimpers Phichit when they’ve all calmed down a bit and gotten off the floor, dabbing his eyes with paper towel that is rough on hi skin, though he likes his jacket too much to ruin it instead. Guang Hong offers a fresh piece of paper towel to Leo who shrugs his shoulders. His eyes are like Phichit’s, red and swollen, and his nose refuses to stop running.

“Why did you come to me first? Why didn’t you get your coach, or Viktor?” laments Leo, only a little mad at Phichit for dragging him into this mess.

Phichit gives a harsh laugh and blows his nose. “Right, like I’m going to let Ciao Ciao see Yuuri like this. He’d kill him, and he’s just Yuuri’s former coach; I don’t even want to think of what Viktor would do to him as his current coach.” It’s a sobering thought that makes them all shudder in fear.

“But it wasn’t Yuuri’s fault,” chimes Guang Hong, “I mean, it’s none of our faults. Yuuri certainly didn’t know, no one can blame him.”

 “Maybe he can still compete?” suggests Leo, “Maybe it’ll wear off soon?”

“It’s only supposed to get worse,” replies Phichit, and one look at Yuuri who is curled on his side on the bathroom floor, stroking along the laces of Phichit’s shoe is enough to send them back to the drawing board. Yuuri looks happy as his fingers bump over the ridges, and however far gone he is, it’s not enough to keep him oblivious to three stares. He looks up, and gives a little wave.

“Shoelaces,” he says quietly, reverently, and Phichit groans and covers his face with both his hands.

“This can’t get any worse,” he mutters.

“Oh yes it can,” bemoans Leo, kneeling down and patting Yuuri’s shoulder. “I’m really sorry, Yuuri, I had no idea my friend would be this stupid.”

“It’s okay, I feel great,” breathes Yuuri, “I’m going to do amazing today.”

Leo and Phichit carefully get Yuuri to his feet. Yuuri sways and can’t quite seem to stand up on his own, so his arms remain over Leo and Phichit’s shoulders as Guang Hong searches a few variations of “how to help high people”. He is quickly scarred with horror stories of inexperienced edible users who quite literally bit off more than they could handle, but he tries to keep himself calm as he looks for something helpful.

“I think we have to wait for it wear off,” he offers eventually, Yuuri sitting on the counter again as Phichit wipes a damp paper towel over his face and neck. “But it could be 4 hours, or more.”

“We don’t have 4 hours,” Phichit laments, “Warmups start in less than an hour.”

They bounce around ideas of what they can do to help Yuuri, but eventually they realize there isn’t anything they can do, at least not between the three of them.

“I think we have to get Viktor,” says Leo at length, holding the end of his jacket tightly between his fingers. Guang Hong and Phichit agree, though Phichit says he’ll fetch Viktor.

“You two watch Yuuri, make sure he stays safe,” instructs Phichit, “Um, Guang Hong, lock the door when I’m gone, don’t let anyone else come in. I’ll knock four times, then I’ll tell you it’s me, okay?”

“Okay,” whispers Guang Hong, Yuuri squeaking and waving one hand.

“Phichit, are you leaving?” he asks, and Phichit nods with a little smile.

“Yeah, you’re going to stay with Leo and Guang Hong for now, but I’ll be back soon.”

“Can bring me a snack?” asked Yuuri, who then pats over his stomach. “I’m hungry.”

Phichit can feel his eyes go wide. “Um, sure.”

“Thank you,” sings Yuuri, who then waves goodbye before he turns his attention to Leo. “You have really nice hair.”

Phichit unlocks the door and practically flies off to find Viktor. Guang Hong watches him streak off then shuts and relocks the bathroom door. He watches as Leo bends over a bit so Yuuri can play with his hair. It’s cute, and Guang Hong is only a little jealous until he reminds himself that Yuuri would never do that to Leo if he was in a normal state of mind.

“Leo?”

“Yes?”

“This is really weird,” said Guang Hong as Yuuri carts one hand through Leo’s hair as Leo ensures Yuuri will not overbalance and fall off the counter.

“I know. I’m really sorry you got pulled into this, Guang Hong.”

“Me too. But um, I’m glad it’s with you. And Phichit. I mean, as opposed to anyone else. Not that I wish this was happening at all.”

Leo hums softly in agreement as Phichit forces himself to slow down and walk just a few feet away from the room where most everyone is. His heart only beats faster as he tries to look as normal as possible as he enters and peers around. He feels a stab of nausea when he doesn’t see Viktor, and his mind immediately races to what he is going to do until a small group of reporters span out, revealing Viktor and Celestino.

_Ok, you can do this_ , Phichit tells himself, and begins his approach to the two coaches. _Just get Viktor away from Ciao Ciao, but don’t let Ciao Ciao know why. I can do this, I can do this. Yuuri needs me to do this_.

Phichit is first spotted by Celestino who begins to offer to his student a greeting before he sees Phichit’s face. “Phichit, what happened? What’s wrong?” asks Celestino through a gasp, and Phichit frowns before he realizes that he probably looks a mess, no doubt from the crying and the harsh paper towels he used to dry his tears.

“Allergies,” replies Phichit hastily as it’s the first thing that comes to mind, “They’re acting up, is all.” He feels his heart drop and both Viktor and Celestino look at him as if he’s grown a second head.

“Allergies? Since when do you have allergies?” Celestino demands, reaching out and tracing under one of Phichit’s eyes. “How do you feel? Do you need medicine? When did this start?”

While Phichit might normally be flattered by his coach’s mother hen routine, he does not have time for it. “I’m fine. Viktor, I uh…” Like that Phichit freezes, mouth hanging up as he tries to figure out what to say. “I uh, I…”

Viktor tip his head a bit. “Yes?”

Phichit motions Viktor to get closer, swallowing thickly. Viktor looks even more concerned as he leans over, Phichit cupping a hand by his ear and hissing out, “There’s a problem with Yuuri.”

“Yuuri? What’s wrong?” cries Viktor, and Phichit, for all that he loves and adores Viktor, though not as much as Yuuri, nearly smacks him; so much for being subtle. He catches Celestino’s alarmed look out the corner of his eye.

“Nothing’s wrong!” yelps Phichit, then leans back to whisper more. “You have to come with me, but don’t make a big deal out of it.” Phichit steps back, and he must look more anxious then he wants when both Viktor and Celestino make moves to follow.

“Yuuri? Is there a problem with him?” asked Celestino, and Phichit shakes his head furiously.

“I just need to show Viktor something,” he says, hearing his voice turn higher in panic.

“About Yuuri?” asks Viktor, and Phichit glowers at him.

“No, nothing is about Yuuri,” he practically snarls, anger and fear of getting found out morphing in a fierce protective instinct to protect Yuuri. Phichit wants Viktor to know, needs Viktor to know about what has transpired, but Celestino? No, Phichit will sooner make a scene before he lets Celestino find out what has happened to his former student.

“Phichit, you are not making any sense,” says Viktor with a small shake of his head. “I-”

Phichit grabs the front of Viktor’s jacket and yanks him over, and later he will be quite proud of himself for manhandling _the_ Viktor Nikiforov, but in the moment he needs cooperation by any means necessary, including sheer brute force.

“Stop talking, start walking,” he grounds out, “Go to the men’s bathroom down the hall and to the right and wait for me. No questions.” He lets go, and somewhat surprisingly Viktor starts to walk off with a single question, looking unruffled at what might be considered a minor assault. He is only one who looks unperturbed by Phichit’s behavior as everyone else in the room stares incredulously and curiously.

Celestino is the first to react. “Phichit, what has gotten into you? What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing, I…I’m fine,” Phichit says weakly before he shakes his head. He needs to get rid of Celestino, and fast. “Actually, can you find me medicine? I don’t feel well.”

“Allergies?” asks Celestino, and Phichit is so grateful for his coach’s dedication.

“Yes, please. I’m going to go clean up a bit in the bathroom, but then I’ll come right back here, alright? Thanks Ciao Ciao, you’re the best!”

Phichit doesn’t even wait for a response before he’s dashing off again. He finds Viktor walking slowly towards the bathroom. Phichit doesn’t say anything but takes the lead. He knocks four times on the bathroom door, before saying it’s him.

“Really?” comes Guang Hong’s timid voice.

“Really, it’s okay Guang Hong, open up,” replies Phichit, hearing the lock slide before the door opens. Phichit heads into the bathroom with Viktor close by. “Guang Hong, lock it again.”

“Alright,” speaks Guang Hong as Phichit looks over to the sinks where he left Yuuri and Leo. He’s a little startled to find Yuuri’s legs and arms wrapped tight around Leo, though it seems the counter is still holding his weight. Leo looks board-stiff, and it’s a bit of a compromising position if Viktor’s expression is anything to go by.

“He just really wanted a hug,” calls Guang Hong, apparently reading the mood as Phichit exhales.

“Viktor, we have a problem,” says Phichit, going over and carefully prying Leo free who offers a little “ _thank you_.”

“Oh?” asks Viktor, sounding a little murderous but approaching the sinks anyways.

“Um, Yuuri might have uh…well, you see it’s…it’s really just…” begins Leo, unable to explain the situation as he inches backwards away from Viktor.

Phichit sighs and lets Yuuri take his hand which  ends up cupping the side Yuuri’s face with what could only be described a purr. “Yuuri’s stoned. He accidently had a pot brownie and well, he’s stoned. Really stoned.”

“I am stoned,” repeats Yuuri softly, looking up and gasping, realizing someone new had arrived. “Oh, Viktor!” He reaches out with both arms, but Viktor blinks.

“Excuse me?”

“Hug, please,” coos Yuuri, and Phichit pushes on one shoulder so he doesn’t fall flat on his face.

“Yuuri’s really high,” reiterates Phichit, and Viktor stares for a few more second before slowly approaching Yuuri as though his pupil has suddenly become a wild animal. Yuuri giggles and waits until he has his arms around Viktor before giving a satisfied hum. Viktor hugs him back, but his turns his head. Phichit cowers a bit under the Russian’s gaze.

“What. Happened.”

Phichit stutters through the events that have seemingly led them up to this point, although he tries to make it seem like Leo and Guang Hong had nothing to do with anything while also praising their assistance. When he’s done there’s silence, no doubt Viktor processing everything. He shifts a bit and holds Yuuri’s face between his hands. Yuuri’s eyes are unfocused, a little glassy. Viktor lets go slowly, and Yuuri sways where he sits before face-planting into Viktor’s chest.

“Hi, Viktor.”

Viktor slowly puts an arm back around Yuuri, using the mirror’s reflection to look at the three other skaters who look shaken and scared.

“We should get an adult,” Viktor sighs at length.

There’s more silence, as Phichit’s face scrunches up.

“Viktor, you’re 27, aren’t you an adult?”

Viktor stiffens as Yuuri grabs his shoulders and heaves himself up, touching his shoulders then mumbling something incomprehensible. Fingers crawl from Viktor’s shoulders to his collar to tug and pluck at his dress shirt. Viktor technically the oldest one in the bathroom, a fact that makes him increasingly uncomfortable as the stares of men younger than himself, really just teenagers, look at him for guidance. Right, they came to him to help.

“I am, I am an adult,” Viktor splutters, “I mean, we should get an adult who is more appropriate to handle this situation.” He can feel Yuuri shift forward a bit until legs come up and around his ribs, which is quickly followed by arms around his neck.

“Hugs,” whispers Yuuri, and Viktor can only hug him back, unsure of what else he should do.

“And have more people find out?” asks Phichit, clearly doubtful. “Isn’t that bad?”

“We don’t want Yuuri to get in trouble, even though it wasn’t his fault,” adds Leo, and Viktor has to reassess the situation at their words. He lets his cheek fall onto Yuuri’s head as his thoughts race. He tries to ignore the most obvious ones, namely the ones of shock that Yuuri is high, and instead focuses on what to do next.

“How long has been like this?”

“Um, maybe half an hour, but we read that he could be like this for hours,” says Phichit quietly.

“Edibles,” offers Guang Hong, using his new vocabulary with just a tinge of pride.

Viktor mutters a curse and adjusts his hold on Yuuri. His eyes unknowingly dart around as he thinks. His priority is to keep Yuuri safe, which includes keeping this secret. He knows how media can twist a story, and Yuuri unknowingly ingesting a drug-laced dessert will no doubt be turned on its head to something unrecognizable and damning.

“If we can get him back to the hotel, I should be able to take care of him until this wears off,” he sighs at length. He doesn’t know much about drugs, nevertheless those of the recreational kind, but he’s confident enough he can deal with Yuuri and his so-far rather adorable high. He isn’t agitated in the slightest, and all he seems to want is to hug and be hugged. Next, he needs an explanation for why Yuuri will not be competing that afternoon.

“Food poisoning, from dinner last night, or maybe breakfast. You found him in the bathroom, and I had to get him to take him back to the hotel since he’s far too ill to compete.”

He sees the other three nod in agreement, and can see a bit of tension seep from their shoulders. It’s a simple if believable explanation that should satisfy anyone if asked.

“Oh no, but I told Ciao Ciao nothing was wrong,” bemoans Phichit, Viktor frowning and biting the inside of his mouth. Yuuri’s old coach, who Viktor only likes more and more when they interact.

“Go get him.”

“What?”

“Get him,” repeats Viktor harshly, Phichit and Guang Hong both scampering off, leaving Leo to edge his way towards the door. It takes less than a minute for Phichit and Guang Hong to return with Celestino who is too busy berating Phichit to notice Viktor and Yuuri.

“You should be taking it easy, not running around!”

Phichit stays silent, and merely points at the two. Celestino looks away from his own student, and is only more confused at the scene. “Yuuri?”

“There was a bit of an…accident,” Viktor declares slowly, “I promise I will explain later, but I need to get Yuuri back to our hotel, and I need to do so with upmost discretion.”

“Accident?”

“Yuuri’s high,” chirp Leo, Guang Hong, and Phichit simultaneously, and Celestino’s eyebrows practically disappear into his hairline.

“What?”

“He accidentally ate a, a pot brownie,” begins Viktor, and he almost breaks out into laughter as how ludicrous it sounds, but the seriousness of the situation grounds him. “He’s in no state to skate, and it seems he won’t be um, not high for a few hours.”

Viktor is able to condense the whole story into a few short sentences, and surprisingly Celestino merely begins to chuckles. He approaches Viktor and croons Yuuri’s name, who looks up with blank expression before he grins.

“Celestino! Hi!”

“Hi, Yuuri, I heard you’ve gotten yourself into quite the situation,” laughs Celestino, as if seeing his former student high was not a freak occurrence.

“I’m going to do so good,” whispers Yuuri seriously, “I feel great.”

“Oh yeah? Good for you.” Celestino pats Yuuri’s head, and Yuuri preens under the attention. “If I had known you would be this mellow before a competition with a little pot, I would have looked into it years ago.”

His jibe falls flat as he is immediately assaulted by accusations until he can defend himself that yes, he is kidding, and no, he will never joke that like that again. He regains some of the other’s confidence when he suggests a little distraction could only help Viktor slip out with Yuuri so they can get back to the hotel to take care of the serious case of food poisoning.

“Distraction? Like what?” asks Phichit as Celestino and then Leo get Yuuri off Victor. Instead of a koala-carry he’s shifted into Viktor’s arms, one arm around his back and other under his knees. Celestino sheds his coat and drapes it over Yuuri’s head and torso. Yuuri does not move, and Viktor thanks the other coach softly.

“Probably better no one can see him and he can’t see anyone,” explains Celestino before turning to his student then the two other skaters.

“Distraction?” repeats Phichit.

“Just to make sure no one gives them a second look when they leave,” says Celestino. “How good are your acting skills?”

 

 

Viktor quietly slips out of the bathroom with Celestino close behind him as Phichit, Guang Hong, and Leo head in the opposition direction. Phichit waits a few seconds before he breaks into a jog. He hears Leo and Guang Hong pick up their pace, and the act begins as soon as Leo enters the room.

“Phichit, please, delete it!” screams Leo as loudly as he can, and immediately all eyes are on him. “Please!”

“No way, this is gold,” teases Phichit just as loudly, shaking his phone a bit.

“Please, I don’t want anyone to see,” whines Guang Hong as he and Leo try to corner Phichit. People get out of their way, and their bickering continues in much the same way. They are loud, angry-sounding, and they put everything into their mock-fight which enthralls their audience until they spy Celestino who sneaks back into the room almost ten minutes later. He gives two thumbs up and a wink as he sneaks around the perimeter of the room.

Phichit stills and exhale: it’s the signal that Viktor and Yuuri have left the building and are safely on their way to their hotel.

“Okay, I’ll delete it,” he says simply, although he pretends he’s offended, and makes an equally big deal and as he holds up his phone. “Geez, Leo, Guang Hong, that selfie wasn’t _that_ ugly.”

Collectively the room relaxes as the mystery is solved. There a few eye rolls and chuckles, and the three of them know that the whole incident will quickly be forgotten once the competition begins. Phichit goes over to Leo and Guang Hong with a big smile. “Good selfie?”

They three of then smile as Phichit takes an actual picture, then drops his voice. “I’ll send it to Viktor.”

“Makes sure Yuuri’s phone privileges get taken away,” whispers Guang Hong, and Phichit makes a noise of agreement.

“Good call.”

He sends the picture to Viktor with a reminder to keep Yuuri’s phone away from him. He gets a very fast response, and the three of them can’t help but coo at the picture of Yuuri cuddled up to Viktor in what must be their taxi followed by a text.

_Thank you for your help, good luck today to everyone! I will let you know how Yuuri is tomorrow._

“Right, we have a competition,” Leo says slowly. It’s clear by his tone that competing is that last thing on his mind.

“We have to do good, for Yuuri,” Phichit exclaims.

Later, when the three of them enter the rink for their warmup, the announcement is made of Yuuri Katsuki’s last-minute withdrawal due to health concerns. While murmurs go around, that Yuuri had looked fine before, Phichit, Leo, and Guang Hong add their two cents that Yuuri actually had serious food poisoning, the worst they’ve ever seen in their young lives.

It isn’t until afterwards during celebratory phase of things when Phichit is grabbing post-competition pictures, that Leo catches him. “Phichit, you said you found the brownies, right?”

“Yup, and then I disposed of them right away,” he assures. Leo smiles.

“Good, thanks, Phichit.”

Phichit nods and tries to keep himself focused on a job well done though his thoughts keep trailing to Viktor and Yuuri. He and his two partners in crime are however gifted for their efforts for the rest of the night- a few pictures, including Yuuri and Viktor in their hotel room with a box of pizza, Yuuri twined around on the room’s lamps, and then half-hidden in the curtains. There’s a brief video, only a few seconds long, but it becomes Phichit’s new favorite thing. Viktor is filming, though his voice is clear as he focuses on Yuuri who is sitting on the center of a bed, both of them singing “ _The Itsy Bitsy Spider_ ” with Yuuri struggling to make his hands do the corresponding movements. Yuuri stops halfway through the song to pout up at Viktor.

“Why did it have to rain on the spider, Viktor? He didn’t do anything wrong” Yuuri asks sadly, and the video shakes as Viktor laughs before it abruptly stops.

The next day the three get a text that announces Yuuri is sleeping peacefully and seems to be coming down from his high. They each send their regards, and over 24 hours since they had found Yuuri in the bathroom before the competition, they all get a group text from Yuuri which consists of a thank you and little heart emoji and promise that he owes them dinner, though he’d rather avoid any dessert for a couple of weeks.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Guang Hong in this story- knowledge is power. V is Phichit who doesn't want to end up in American prison.


End file.
